Growing Pains, Finding your Authentic Self, and Dealing with Peer Pressure

 

First post alert!!!

Hello greatness, again!!! Welcome to my blog where I’ll be sharing juicy, heartwarming, unfiltered conversations on truths that have become uncomfortable to talk about. 

Ranging from my contemplations, convos, and observations, to my discoveries on life, faith, relationships, you just name it. This is officially our venting space.

So twice again, welcome, to an imperfect journey to healing and a safe space for all of us.

In order not to bore you, quickly, I’ll be sharing a story, ‘my story’ on how I dealt with or better still, how I am still dealing with authenticity, peer pressure, and being my true self in a world where it’s hard, because 'dears', it’s not easy.

I’ll try to make it short…

I grew up indoors. Sometimes I consider that an advantage as it shielded me from a lot of nyama nyama that flew around the area I grew up. Other times, it was more of a disadvantage, because just as it shielded me from a lot of vices, it also prevented me from some “necessary experience and exposure” at certain stages in life.

I grew up with a loving Dad that practiced active “intentional parenting”.

My dad was gentle (looking back, “I’m thinking” he probably knew his child well, or maybe he was one of the few to get the parenting manual at that time). From a young age, we would have intellectual and heartfelt conversations, we would have random spelling quizzes that were fun and we would laugh about the ones I failed.

And oh! I cannot forget the countless streams of advice on life, love, and boys, especially boys. Daddy would tell me “I love you” as often as I needed to hear it. I had the right amount of exposure to the warmth that comes from a parent, something that wasn’t common in the environment I grew up in. Seeing people that could comfortably chat, hug and play with their dads wasn’t common.

I remember back in secondary school, your girl had no urge. It wasn’t a struggle for me to decide when some of my peers were beating themselves up about getting a boyfriend or wondering whether a boy liked them or their friend.  Meanwhile, don’t get me started on the “ama Kip Kip” trendy T-shirt. It was an eye sore, but anyone with a piece of that was considered cool.

I snuck around to use my mum's phone to log into 2go though.

Anyhoo, while some felt they needed a boyfriend, a majority did not know why, and if you weren’t participating in trendy things, you were a Jew. This is not to judge you or anyone, but if you feel judged, TOH.

From as young and probably naïve as I was then, I already knew what I wanted. I had embraced my style and no one could make me feel inferior about my decisions or the lack of it. The validations I needed and the only validations that were important to me were that of my dad and I got them, whether he felt I needed them or not.

To this day, I say to anyone that cares to listen; I am eternally grateful for the rebuke, counsel, and the gentle kind of love I was privileged to be grounded in from the formative stages of my life. I am grateful for my Dad, Mr. Jimoh Umar (of blessed memory).

Finding your Authentic Self

There’s a popular Hausa quote, which says, “you only give birth to children, not their character”.

This quote is true in many cases but untrue in most. You will agree with me that we are largely products of our environment. The people, food, languages, and the emotional, physical, and monetary situations we grow up in are the nitty-gritty that sums up the person we are and become.

For instance, I was able to differentiate between what was acceptable and what was right because of the journey I began towards self-discovery, which was inspired by the environment I was raised in. It was an environment that gave room for individuality, failure, discovery, and success, an environment that gave room for vulnerability without comparison.

Growing Pains and Peer Pressure

In case you haven’t gotten the hang of it yet, I’m already shooting at parents, yes parents.

When it comes to a child’s identity, the parents/guardians or primary caregivers have a major role to play, no wonder the Book of Proverbs says “train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it”.

The issues of identity crisis, inferiority complex, and the influence of peer pressure are deep-seated in the questions and confusion that comes from growing up and the environment surrounding one's upbringing.

Psychologists and doctors agree with me that our environment and parents have a large role to play in whether a child is confident, has healthy self-esteem, is self-aware, assertive, or not.

Most people think peer pressure is a complex only teenagers (i.e 13-19 years of age) and young adults (18-25 years of age) struggle through. Sadly, this is a complex that can trail you till old age.

Have you seen a mother purchase a wrapper she didn’t need and also didn’t budget for just because she thinks (which might probably be true) her friends would make her look poor, or she would be left out if she doesn’t purchase it? Well, that’s peer pressure.

That anco you didn’t have money to buy, but had to borrow or inconvenience someone else for, because of the fear of being left out! That too could be peer pressure.

Do you feel the need to shout, do some sort of drama, or fight to feel heard? Do you give a "Yes" to every Tom, Dick, and Harry that asks’ you out because they said, “I love you”?

My people!!! That's a problem.

In retrospect, the point you feel the need to participate in a trend or thing to the extent that you go out of your way, or that point where you search and can’t find a logical reason as to why you are taking an action that doesn’t appeal to you, but more to others, know that peer pressure and its siblings have thrived.

In conclusion, everyone seeks some form of validation; fortunately, some have found healthy ways to channel that while some haven’t. As we continue to evolve and find new interests, we may get caught up in a lot of questions about who we truly are. Know that the journey to self-discovery and staying true to truth never ends.

I’d love to know your thoughts, do drop a comment. Like and share with your friends too

IF YOU WOULD LIKE MY TAKE ON HOW TO DEAL WITH PEER PRESSURE AND BECOMING YOUR AUTHENTIC SELF, ALSO DROP THAT IN THE COMMENT SECTION.

I’m glad you’re here in this journey with me ❤️ Thank you.